The Other Man edited by Paul Fahey

The Other Man

An Anthology of Essays on Infidelity collected by Alan Fahey
review by A.B. Gayle
Gay non-fiction

To say that “The Other Man” is all about infidelity is short-changing the subject and defining the concept by very narrow values. While it’s true that for many readers and reviewers, infidelity is a deal breaker, the fact that these essays are all based on actual experiences makes them an intriguing study of this taboo topic.

Each essay shows a different aspect of the picture, making the issue less black and white and much more complex.

Firstly, Jeffrey Ricker details how while young, single and desperate he often found himself hooking up with married men when he used online dating services.

Glen Retief discovered while living in a country where gay men were forced to remain in the closet, that his rival was not a single person but many.

The more traditional concept is explored in the next story by Jason Schneiderman. After being cuckolded by his last boyfriend the author had been determined to ease his way into his next relationship: “no longer falling into bed on first dates” only to discover that the man he is platonically dating already has a boyfriend who lives in another city. Unwittingly, he has become “The Other Man.” They decide to make it “just sex” and the person he is with is candid about their relationship with his current boyfriend. The strange thing is, that by eliminating the pressure of forming a committed relationship and worrying about love, the author relaxes and finds he really enjoys the time they spend together as well as the great sex. Time doesn’t stand still though and gradually things change.

The next two stories, by Austin Bunn and Tom Mendicino also involve straying husbands but are totally different.

Some of the contributors to the anthology are authors, others have blogs. This was how I discovered Jeff Mann whose story visits an experience he drew on for a few of his stories.

The strength of the anthology rests in the variety of slants each author contributes to the topic. The writing style is varied and the prose flows smoothly. No single story stands out or drags the others down by being inferior. I only found one typo: palette for palate.

I found the book an intriguing study of a subject that is instantly dismissed in MM romance as a deal breaker. Infidelity or just Open Relationships are a lot more than that. For many gay men, it is precisely this narrow view of the subject that turns them off reading MM romance. Perhaps if more females read this anthology they would see why.

It is a testament to the ability of the writers that these essays are as entertaining as well as informative. We are privileged to see honest glimpses of their lives.

There is a longer version of this review on my Goodreads shelf.